


Stuck In The Middle With You

by Trashabel



Category: Samurai Warriors, ジョジョの奇妙な冒険 | JoJo no Kimyou na Bouken | JoJo's Bizarre Adventure
Genre: Alternate Universe - Everyone Lives/Nobody Dies, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, At least not how they do in canon, Friends to Lovers, M/M, Memes, Online Friendship, Organized Crime, Terminal Illnesses
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-03-01
Updated: 2017-02-28
Packaged: 2018-09-27 15:02:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,647
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10027079
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Trashabel/pseuds/Trashabel
Summary: Narancia spots a cute girl walking down the street, an experience shared almost uncannily by his best pal Hanbei. As both try to find the objects of their affections, a dark shadow looms over the city of Tempi Turbolenti. Will Narancia and Hanbei achieve their desires? Will Nobunaga's ambition wreak havoc for all? Will Abbaccio finally be able to get some rest?





	

**Author's Note:**

> The fact that I'm even writing a Sengoku Musou/JoJo fic baffles even me. This is for quite a niche audience, I realize. Either way, enjoy!

"Come on, Trish, I made your favourite!" Abbaccio was at a loss. They'd all agreed that Thursday was Taco Night, and here he was, serving everyone tacos on a Wednesday. Well, as long as they didn't ask for them tomorrow. The table was set immaculately, complete with a pure white tablecloth, meticulously polished silverware, and a tall glass of champagne (though Giorno's was yellower than normal...) at each antique rosewood seat. To Leone's surprise, the others thought that this was a bit too much for Taco Night.

Trish yawned. "These are hardshell, Leone. Everyone knows that the softshell tacos are always better." With a drawn-out sigh, Abbaccio picked up his glass and took a great big gulp. "Children. All of you. Speaking of children, where's Narancia? He'd better not be in that pit of his, talking to his weird friends over the internet or something." Suddenly, a cough, and a stifled laugh. Abbaccio turned to see Bruno practically wetting himself in amusement. "Ugh... What's so funny, mi caro?" Leone was wondering when the champagne would kick in, and when he could sneak some sambuca into it.

"Oh, it's nothing, just something you said." Bruno attempted to regain his composure, only to burst out into laughter again at Mista, who had mouthed something to him from the doorway. "Guido, quit it."  
"No."  
"Mista..." Abbaccio glared daggers at Mista, before smirking a little. "I'm gonna count. To four." Mista grimaced, though still determined to disobey Abbaccio's orders in any way possible. "One... Two..." By the time Leone got to three, Mista was already sat at the table, sweating like mad. Bruno sighed. "C'mon, mi tesoro, there's no need for that, Guido was just having a bit of fun."

While they were all squabbling at the table, Narancia was up in his room, typing eagerly away at the laptop on his bed. He'd made quite a few friends over the years, but none of them were as good at shitposting as one 'Harambe Takenaka'. They'd been speaking for years now, though Abbaccio insisted that Narancia needed to get out and make some real friends. Buccellati understood though, he was a lot cooler than Abbaccio. He let everyone do whatever they wanted. It was hard to believe that this was a gang, and not some dysfunctional family.

[8:50] Aerosmith4321: ciao  
[8:50] Harambe Takenaka: Lol hiya!  
[8:51] Aerosmith4321: so guess what dude  
[8:52] Aerosmith4321: cmon dude guess  
[8:52] Harambe Takenaka: Alright, sure, you found another dank meme you wanna show me?  
[8:52] Aerosmith4321: nope, saw a real cutie today, fukken hot af  
[8:53] Harambe Takenaka: LOL! I don't remember hearing that you're into girls.  
[8:53] Aerosmith4321: aw cmon dude, im the straigtest  
[8:54] Harambe Takenaka Do you mean straightest? or strategist? I'm a pretty good strategist!

"Oi oi, Narancia. Time for dinner." The boss's voice was pretty calm and soothing, Narancia thought, nothing like the stereotypical badass mafia boss. "Ah, just a second, Giorno. I need to tell my friend!" At this, Giorno gave a slight chuckle. "Is it noteworthy that Abbaccio's making us tacos?"  
"No, but HT's gotta know that I'll be a few minutes!"  
"Ah. Okay Narancia, but don't stay up here too long, okay?" Narancia nodded, sparing only a quick "Mhm."

[8:57] Aerosmith4321: ok, gotta go for a few mins  
[8:57] Harambe Takenaka: Oh, okay. Also, Nara?  
[8:58] Aerosmith4321: yeah taki?  
[8:58] Harambe Takenaka: I think we may have been in the same place today, I saw a cute girl too!  
[8:59] Aerosmith4321: omg! ttyl?

And with that, Narancia got up and went to see what Abbaccio was cooking.

"Oi! Bruno, could you make sure Guido gets served fifth? We don't want him having a panic attack again." Abbaccio sighed, dragging his hands down his face. Bruno winked, grinning. "Of course, mi tesoro." Bruno started handing out plates, and with each, a small "Grazie, Buccellati" came from the recipient. Then, Mista's plate came. "H- Hey, Buccellati? Could me and Trish swap plates? I don't want mine to be the fourth!" Bruno sighed. "Okay, Guido, you can have hers." He swapped them, muttering under his breath. Mista teared up a little, thanking Bruno more than was necessary. And then, in walked Giorno, with Narancia in tow.  
"Ah, boss! You've arrived!" Abbaccio handed Giorno his unusually yellow champagne, grinning. "Hm, thank you, Leone. Now, what's the situation?" Giorno seemed stern, serious. Not the type of demeanor you'd expect of a man sitting down to eat tacos. "Uh... Taco night." Abbaccio chuckled, pulling out a chair for the boss. "Isn't that Thursday?"  
"Ah, slight issue there..."  
"No no, Leone, don't worry, it's not exactly the end of the world here."  
"Well, if you say s-" Suddenly, a knock at the door. A forceful, heavy type of knock, one that could only be done by a furious man.

"Hey, GioGio, it's the police, probably." Bruno giggled, unzipping his shoulder-pocket and taking out a sizable wad of bills. "Bruno, why do you even have a shoulder pocket? Why do you have so many pockets?!" Mista started counting all of the zippers on Buccellati's jacket, freezing up a little when it came to four. "B- Buccellati, why didn't you stop me?!"  
"I didn't wanna ruin your fun." Bruno giggled.  
"Sh- Shut up!" Before Mista could go on a rant, Bruno lifted his collar, revealing another zipper. "Rest easy, Guido, it's not four."  
"You stronzo-nosed little- wha? Oh. Okay. Sorry." Mista pulled his hat over his eyes.  
"So, Giorno, are you going to answer the door, or do you want one of us to do it?" Abbaccio yawned, taking another swig of champagne. Giorno swirled his around, grimacing at the smell. "Hm. I'll do it, whoever's there is probably looking for the boss anyway."

Giorno opened the door, a cold, aloof expression on his face. "Hm?" Before him stood a tall, intimidating figure, sporting a tall ponytail and a rather nicely groomed mustache. Behind him stood a rather pretty girl with a giant sword, and a girlish man with a somewhat smaller katana. "Oh. Wrong house?" Giorno managed a faint smile, prompting the taller man to pull out what seemed to be a medieval longsword. "Silence, Giorno Giovanna! You are no longer the kingpin in Tempi Turbolenti!" The mischievous grin now turned into a scowl, Giorno reached into his back pocket, to pull out...

Nothing. Absolutely nothing. "Did you intend to trick me? I know you're not the type to carry a gun at dinner. Mayhaps we could arrange some sort of agreement?" The freakishly tall man extended a gloved hand to Giorno. "I may have come across... A little too strong." Giorno raised an eyebrow. "You think? Well, I'm sure we have enough tacos for everyone. Well, enough for your lady friend here." The woman next to Nobunaga suddenly started shouting. "Hey! Who're you calling a lady? I am Lord Nobunaga's most trusted vassal, I'm not some, some floozy!" Well, that helped a little, Giorno thought. Nobunaga and his other friend sighed in unison, with Nobunaga attempting to talk some sense into... Her? Him? Things were confusing enough with Narancia around.

"Come now, Ranmaru, I'm sure this man meant no ill will. In fact, call it a testament to your beauty."  
"B- Beauty, Nobunaga-Sama?" This 'Ranmaru', as Nobunaga called them, blushed.  
"Yes, dear Ranmaru." Nobunaga cleared the fringe from Ranmaru's forehead and planted a small kiss in its place. He then turned to Giorno, using the longsword as a cane of sorts. "Now, Giorno Giovanna. May we come in?" Giorno nodded, clearing the way. "Of course, Mr. Nobunaga."  
"Ah, Nobunaga's my forename. I'd be 'Mr. Oda' to you. Still, spare the formalities, this isn't some sort of business meeting."  
"Well, uh, technically-"  
"Not. A. Business. Meeting." Nobunaga tapped his finger against his nose, giving off a quick smile. "Ah, now I get you, Nobunaga. Mind introducing me to your associates here?"  
Nobunaga bowed, allowing the one he kissed to step forward. "Ranmaru Mori, humble servant of Nobunaga Oda!" Giorno raised his eyebrow yet again. "Not much else to tell? Okay, next?" Then, the somewhat more manly man stepped in. "Mitsuhide Akechi, humble servant of Nobunaga Oda and a man of honour!" With a somewhat disturbing chuckle, Giorno questioned "And this Ranmaru is not?" Suddenly, he felt the blade of a Nodachi against his neck. "Take. It. Back."

Giorno gulped, backing away. "Look, I meant to offense to you, I simply made light of his phrasing." And with that, the blade left its position. "Good. Now, let's eat."  
"Or leave."  
"Let's just stay and talk, you two, the people here are of no danger to you." It seemed Nobunaga was the voice of reason here. Giorno flashed a quick smile at Nobunaga, who did the same right back. "So, what is it you'd like to discuss?" Giorno walked into the dining room and gave a quick nod to Abbaccio, who pulled out another chair. "So, boss, you figure out what these people want?" Mista yawned, resting his legs on the table. Abbaccio and Buccellati had both simply given up on getting him to sit properly. For a time, the table was silent, aside from the rather obnoxious sound of Narancia eating a taco in the loudest possible way.

"Ah, Mr. Giovanna, I do believe there is a shortage of seats. Perhaps we should find another room to talk in?" Nobunaga smiled. It didn't seem like the smile of a crime lord, it was more the warm type of smile you'd expect of a kindly old man. Of course, for all Giorno knew, that could've been exactly what Nobunaga was. Giorno himself looked rather old for his age, so perhaps Nobunaga was the opposite. "Mitsuhide, Ranmaru, come in and sit down!" His two bodyguards complied, taking seats at either side of Nobunaga's chair...


End file.
